It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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