she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
