Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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