There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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