What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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