I faked an abortion last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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