I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
