been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
