she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
