I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
