this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
