I never want to see another naked old woman again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex on a dog bed..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
