Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
