an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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