She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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