me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
