I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
