can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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