I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
