I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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