I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
