worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
