I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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