we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
