nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she told me i tasted like america
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im on a boat
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