Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
