I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
