omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize