I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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