This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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