She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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