i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
