You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
being pregnant is like rehab
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
