my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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