i think my tv is drunk
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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