You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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