my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
