The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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