I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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