walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
