I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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