my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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