hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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