So drunk its hurt
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
