dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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