Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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