We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
