Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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