His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
