Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
