I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
