What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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