Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
