my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
