Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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