no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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