Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
