tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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