Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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