I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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