Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
