The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
