He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
