put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
