Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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