You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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