So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
