people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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