Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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