She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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