just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
