in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
