Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
