$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
