wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
