I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
