so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
