i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
