Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
